Wee Bathroom Spider
Porcelain is not the thing for you,
wee bathroom spider.
And your persistence in performing
eight-legged running man dances
up this sheer white bath tub
under the gaze of our pet cat,
flexing its tail on this toilet seat,
is definitely not advisable.
Before the hairs on your feet
develop greater stickability
and you are able to climb unharmed,
I fear you will become terribly broken.
So here I am at 7:30 in the morning,![]()
making toilet paper ladders,
before I can shower in peace
and the furry purry assassin,
so beloved in our household,
can be persuaded out of the bathroom
to wander off and find
something else to squash instead.
wee bathroom spider.
And your persistence in performing
eight-legged running man dances
up this sheer white bath tub
under the gaze of our pet cat,
flexing its tail on this toilet seat,
is definitely not advisable.
Before the hairs on your feet
develop greater stickability
and you are able to climb unharmed,
I fear you will become terribly broken.
So here I am at 7:30 in the morning,
making toilet paper ladders,
before I can shower in peace
and the furry purry assassin,
so beloved in our household,
can be persuaded out of the bathroom
to wander off and find
something else to squash instead.
This poem first appeared in The Toy magazine
This poem is copyright (©) Jonathan Humble 2024
About the Writer
Jonathan Humble
Jonathan lives in Cumbria. His work has been published online and in print in a number of magazines and anthologies. His first collection of poetry, My Camel's Name Is Brian, was published by TMB Books in 2015. His second poetry book, Fledge came out in 2020 through Maytree Press. His poems for children have been shortlisted and highly commended in the Caterpillar and Yorkmix poetry competitions and he is the editor of The Dirigible Balloon. His poems Masterclass and This Work is Done were chosen as the Milk House Poem of the Year at the end of 2022 and 2023.
