The Tale of Rupertina (SpookySpells#6)

Within this kingdom far away
there lived a girl, it’s true to say,
on whom this tallish tale is penned,
whose pranks just never seemed to end.

Young Rupertina Oswald-Smelly
was a pain near bowls of jelly,
for this girl became a beast
whenever at a birthday feast.

Once all the fun began with games,
young Rupertina’s single aim
was making other kids go wild
by lobbing jelly at each child.

And if amongst the party food
the hosts had seen fit to include
some paper plates with creamy trifle,
then everyone would get an eyeful.

Because she was a total pest,
the mums and dads thought it was best
to leave off every party list
this embryonic anarchist.

Then Rupertina heard one day
expensive plans were underway
to celebrate in one week’s time
the birthday of Prince Valentine.

But whereas every girl and boy
was filled with rapture, bliss and joy
to hear through letterboxes drop
gold invitations with a plop,

this girl believed she knew quite well
the prince would need a witch’s spell
before she’d get a royal call
to any sort of birthday ball.

Seven days it took to find
a witch who’d change the prince’s mind
by using magic of some sort
to get her in the royal court.

The problem with the witch she’d found
was that she was so well renowned
for changing folks when in a huff
into all sorts of weird stuff.

“I want a potion for a prince
which will quite rapidly convince
his royal highness to invite
me to his birthday bash tonight!”

The witch who looked so very weird:
with crooked nose, eyepatch and beard
stared blankly with her one good eye
while chewing on a fruitfly pie.

With irritation bursting out
the young girl then began to shout:
“Look, time is short, don’t hang about;
you know the magic, I’ve no doubt!”

Old Spooky Sal (with mangy cat)
adjusted her black pointy hat,
looked into Rupertina’s eyes
then gave a long world-weary sigh:

“You know, my dear, there is a word
you might have from your parents heard,
that on occasions such as these
one uses and that word is ‘please’ …”

But Rupertina in a rush
had not the sense to meekly gush
the niceties and show respect,
so Spooky used a wand effect.

There came a puff of lilac smoke
with zig-zag bolts: the girl awoke
transformed through magic rigmarole
into a party sausage roll,

which Spooky Sal (disguised you see
as caterer to royalty)
transported to the prince’s ball
within the royal palace hall.

Amid a groaning plenitude
of lavish royal party food,
the sausage roll on table sat
beside the prince in party hat.

“Hoorah for me!!!” the prince exclaimed
as all his guests proclaimed his name,
each child in suit or sparkly dress
in hope they might the prince impress.

A fact lost on the birthday boy
who’d planned in secret to enjoy
his special day where he’d incite
his guests to join a trifle fight.

“Yahooo! Yahooo!” the young prince yelled
as through the air food was propelled
and boys and girls about the place
got pies and trifle in the face.

Amongst the laughing and the mess,
the prince in wistful mood confessed
it was a shame in all this fun
that Rupertina couldn’t come.

“I do believe Miss Oswald-Smelly
would have loved to lob this jelly.”
While vol-au-vents flew high and low,
the reason came for her no-show:

“An invitation had been sent,”
said lackeys at the royal event.
“But it was then returned unsigned,
so we assumed that she’d declined.”

Yet Rupertina was aware
of all the fun, as through the air
she somersaulted with scotch eggs
until with tiny voice she begged:

“Oh stop, please stop. I feel unwell!”
at which, the witch removed the spell
and Rupertina like a brick
fell down and on some kid was sick.

“Hi Rupertina! Glad you’re here.
Let’s spoon this trifle down the ear
of someone who still looks quite clean,”
the prince announced while looking mean.

But now the girl was not inclined
to mess and prank and be unkind.
Her lesson learned, she thanked the prince
then scurried out and ever since

reformed her very naughty ways,
until in time she reached the days
when folk would not have found it strange
to comment on how much she’d changed …

Once more she joined the party scene
of jelly, trifle and ice cream,
where nicely now she played their games
to great delight and much acclaim.

Until some child during dessert
spilt juice down Rupertina’s skirt ...
then in a flash there re-emerged
that girl of old; the party scourge!

As birthday cake flew through the air
(with pickled onions everywhere)
and flinging stuff about the place,
a manic grin upon her face,

the girl reverted gleefully,
the evidence for all to see,
which just reveals a painful truth:
that Rupertina was uncouth.

Though self-improvement’s overdue,
to thine own self one must be true.
One mustn’t tie oneself in knots;
for leopards cannot change their spots.



End