The Dirigible Balloon
Poetry for Children

Secret Agent

Uh-oh – it’s that time – Santa’s sent out his spy,
With apple-cheeked face and a glint in its eye
Each year it appears to cause chaos with glee –
Yet mum and dad claim it’ll check up on ME?
That red-suited ruffian?! Elf on the shelf?
The big man should know that it’s trouble itself!
I’m making my own list
(and checking it twice)
This festive informer’s more naughty than nice.
It’s eaten Nutella straight out of the jar
It’s drunk all Nan’s eggnog then crashed Barbie’s car
It’s pranked us with holly on each of our chairs
It’s stolen my school shoe to sledge down the stairs
It’s squeezed out the toothpaste all over the sink
It’s turned the bath into an ice-skating rink
It’s left dirty footprints and not used the mat
It’s wrapped up the puppy and tinselled the cat
It’s swung from the lights,
And if that’s not enough ¬–
It’s hassled our fairy – she’s left in a huff!
I’ve hardly done ANYTHING this year at all –
Well, nothing that merits a 999 call...
Just one or two letters back home from the school
A very slight bend of a very small rule
Some minor infractions, a tiny complaint –
Compared to this menace, I’m almost a saint!
No need to try harder (I’m not sure I could)
So, here’s to my elf –
You make me look GOOD!

About the Writer

Sarah Ziman

Sarah is originally from Wales, now living in Hertfordshire. She prefers to write poetry for children, though thinks that the best poems can be enjoyed by people of all ages. She has twice been highly commended in The Caterpillar Poetry Prize, and won first prize in the 2021 YorkMix Poems for Children Competition. Her work has appeared in The Best Ever Book of Funny Poems published by Macmillan, various magazines and websites.