Secret Agent

Uh-oh – it’s that time – Santa’s sent out his spy,
With apple-cheeked face and a glint in its eye
Each year it appears to cause chaos with glee –
Yet mum and dad claim it’ll check up on ME?
That red-suited ruffian?! Elf on the shelf?
The big man should know that it’s trouble itself!
I’m making my own list
(and checking it twice)
This festive informer’s more naughty than nice.
It’s eaten Nutella straight out of the jar
It’s drunk all Nan’s eggnog then crashed Barbie’s car
It’s pranked us with holly on each of our chairs
It’s stolen my school shoe to sledge down the stairs
It’s squeezed out the toothpaste all over the sink
It’s turned the bath into an ice-skating rink
It’s left dirty footprints and not used the mat
It’s wrapped up the puppy and tinselled the cat
It’s swung from the lights,
And if that’s not enough ¬–
It’s hassled our fairy – she’s left in a huff!
I’ve hardly done ANYTHING this year at all –
Well, nothing that merits a 999 call...
Just one or two letters back home from the school
A very slight bend of a very small rule
Some minor infractions, a tiny complaint –
Compared to this menace, I’m almost a saint!
No need to try harder (I’m not sure I could)
So, here’s to my elf –
*cheers*
You make me look GOOD!