Some Spooky Spells (SpookySpells#1)

There is a place a few folk know
that’s just around the bend.
A world where magic comes alive,
a world of let’s pretend;

where dragons fly and mermaids swim
while ogres stomp and seethe,
where witch and wizard cast their spells
in weird make believe.

And in this odd enchanted land
by woodland tall and shady,
there lives an old and wise
yet somewhat spooky magic lady.

Old Sal the Witch (who’s been around
a century or three)
with green hair, eyepatch, boxer’s nose
and one arthritic knee,

is best described as one inclined
to instant retribution,
especially if Sal observes
a case of persecution.

If anyone should be a bore
or impolite and nasty,
most likely they’ll transmogrify
into a Cornish pasty.

A case in point: Old Sal once saw
a bully who (the fool)
demanded money meant for lunch
off some kid outside school.

In seconds flat, the kid was given
all his money back,
whereas the bully crawled around:
a warty natterjack.

Or take the time Old Sal was out
just browsing round a shop.
A flash car with the windows down
blared out some loud hip hop.

Despite requests to turn it down
and show consideration,
the driver indiscreetly chose
more loud reverberations,

resulting in a flash of light
from Sal’s wand repertoire,
which left a pile of ash
where once had been a noisy car.

And then the parish councillors
once put a tax on cats
of witches in old council houses,
caves and high-rise flats.

Old Spooky Sal objected,
and won tax-free guarantees
by turning all the council members
into chimpanzees.

There follows here a set of tales
in which Old Sal appears.
And as one must, I have to warn
and make completely clear

within these lines fantastic things
occur just weird enough
to spook those prone to worry nearby
witches, spells and stuff.

But if you like a poem with
some magic on the side,
hop on, strap in and turn the page
enjoy the rhyming ride …