Nothing Would Surprise Me
says Mum on her phone.
Well let’s see shall we!
M-u-m…
There’s a pig in the garden eating your peas,
and a man in the fridge, curled up on the cheese,
there’s a clown in the garage mending my bike,
and a snake down the toilet ready to strike!
Not a pause.
I’ve unplugged the freezer, and painted the bath,
and wiped up the drips with your favourite scarf,
I’ve used all the toothpaste to feed my new cat -
the sick’s come out stripy – it’s under the mat.
Not an eyebrow raised.
I’m going to Spain, on the back of a cow,
I’m taking Tyrone, we’re heading off now!
I’ve given him coffee and hot apple pie -
who knew that toddlers were able to fly!
Not a look.
I’ve washed my boots with your favourite soap,
I’ve tied up Gran with my skipping rope…
I’ve…
…I’m giving in…, you ARE immune -
I’m going upstairs to tidy my room.
Mum? Mum - are you OK?
Mum get up!
M-u-m…
There’s a pig in the garden eating your peas,
and a man in the fridge, curled up on the cheese,
there’s a clown in the garage mending my bike,
and a snake down the toilet ready to strike!
Not a pause.
I’ve unplugged the freezer, and painted the bath,
and wiped up the drips with your favourite scarf,
I’ve used all the toothpaste to feed my new cat -
the sick’s come out stripy – it’s under the mat.
Not an eyebrow raised.
I’m going to Spain, on the back of a cow,
I’m taking Tyrone, we’re heading off now!
I’ve given him coffee and hot apple pie -
who knew that toddlers were able to fly!
Not a look.
I’ve washed my boots with your favourite soap,
I’ve tied up Gran with my skipping rope…
I’ve…
…I’m giving in…, you ARE immune -
I’m going upstairs to tidy my room.
Mum? Mum - are you OK?
Mum get up!
This poem is copyright (©) Rachel Burrows 2026
About the Writer
Rachel Burrows
Rachel is a mum and a teacher, but also a noticer of things. She loves standing still and absorbing - taking in the sounds, smells and secrets of our world. She has travelled far and is frequently found in pea-patches.
