My Cat is Better Than You

I have in my home a most wonderful cat
If you think that you’re smart, then she’s smarter than that
If you think that you’re good then she’s better than you –
And she’s better than everything
Else there is too

She’s better than cakes
She’s better than sweets
She’s better than riding a bike down your street!

She’s better than horses
She’s better than hounds
She’s better than having ten million pounds!

She’s better than London Zoo! She’s better than Doctor Who!
She’s better than video games! She’s better than Jesse James!
She’s better than Alton Towers! She’s better than picking flowers!
She’s better than watching Frozen! She’s better than Michael Rosen!

She’s better than planets
She’s better than stars
She’s better than playing electric guitar!

She’s better than Kanga
She’s better than Roo
She’s better than Piglet in Winnie-the-Pooh!
She’s better than join-the-dots! She’s better than Alex Scott!
She’s better than driving a train! She’s better than Harry Kane!
She’s better than beans on toast! She’s better than days at the coast!
She’s better than Christmas gifts! She’s better than Taylor Swift!

But better than that, though these things are all true –
My cat
Is better
Than you.

(Author’s note: if your cat is a tom, it is perfectly OK to say he rather than she!)