Itchy Jumper Blues
Mum found it in the bargain bin,
she says this style's the latest thing
Who knew that blotchy skin was in?
Itchy jumper blues
No one knows the pain and pricks
this polyester mix inflicts
A gallon of Lenor won't fix
these Itchy jumper blues
How can I concentrate in class
in fibres made from fibreglass?
Eleven plus? I'll never pass
with itchy jumper blues
Maybe I should call the cops,
undercover special ops
The Squad of Itchy Tops might stop
these Itchy jumper blues
This blend of wool and nettle plants
feels like wearing fire ants,
I'm glad I didn't buy the pants.
Itchy jumper blues
she says this style's the latest thing
Who knew that blotchy skin was in?
Itchy jumper blues
No one knows the pain and pricks
this polyester mix inflicts
A gallon of Lenor won't fix
these Itchy jumper blues
How can I concentrate in class
in fibres made from fibreglass?
Eleven plus? I'll never pass
with itchy jumper blues
Maybe I should call the cops,
undercover special ops
The Squad of Itchy Tops might stop
these Itchy jumper blues
This blend of wool and nettle plants
feels like wearing fire ants,
I'm glad I didn't buy the pants.
Itchy jumper blues
This poem is copyright (©) Dale Neal 2026
About the Writer
Dale Neal
Dale has been published online and in print. You will find his work in The Best Ever Book of Funny Poems (Pan Macmillan), My Socks have gone Bonkers (Fantastic Books Publishing), Watcher of the Skies (Emma Press), Guest on the Farm and How to Follow Your Dream (Little Stories: Bedtime Books storytelling app.). He has two children's picture books (My Grandad is an Alien and The Dinosaur and Me) being published in 2022 with Ventorros Press.
