Fred Did It

My pet monster lives under the bed.
He’s fuzzy and green and his name is Fred.
He snores very loudly and picks his nose.
And he causes trouble wherever he goes.
Remember those marks on the new settee?
That was Fred - it wasn’t me.
And when Mum’s phone got smashed that time.
My monster was behind the crime.
Day after day, it’s always the same.
Fred messes up and I get the blame.
Loo roll strewn across the floor.
That doodle on my bedroom door.
Frogspawn in my sister’s bed.
Yep, you’ve guessed it. That was Fred.
Missing biscuits from the tin.
Grandma’s glasses in the bin.
Stinky socks left in a ball.
Fred’s the one behind it all.
Lego in the vacuum cleaner.
And every other misdemeanour.
Uh-uh. Not guilty. No siree.
I can’t believe you’d think it’s me!
Next time blame my pet instead -
the monster, also known as Fred.