Christmas Steve
He doesn't bellow "Ho ho ho!"
while dashing through the Christmas snow
or shimmy down your chimney stack
with toys and prezzies in his sack
He doesn't don a long red cloak
and do the Christmas ad's for Coke,
he fixes things the elves have broke,
he's Santa Claus's odd job bloke
He keeps the magic reindeer fed,
Rudolph's nose a nice bright red,
checks the elf and safety roster,
sprays the sleigh bells with defroster
He fixes Santa's leaky roof,
greases Dancer's squeaky hoof,
sees the Christmas tinsel dangles,
checks the silly string for tangles
Reads the sheets of postal codes
for all the streets and known abodes
of who's been nice and who's been mean
and everyone who's in between
So Mr C can then decree
what's left beneath the Christmas tree
and people who are presently pleasant
all receive a pleasant present
Granny gets some bingo boots,
Granddad's into nuts and fruits,
chocs for Mum, socks for Dad,
kids an Xbox or iPad
He puts them in the loading bay,
clears the runway for the sleigh
and all the gifts are sent forthwith
the night before the twenty fifth
'Cause even Santa needs a hand
ensuring Christmas goes as planned,
it's not as easy as it looks
in all those Christmas films and books
So if you're good and still believe
in all the goodies you'll receive
when tucked in taut on Christmas Eve,
spare a thought for Christmas Steve
But though his working week is mad,
he doesn't have things all that bad
He does achieve some sweet reprieve ...
Steve gets fifty one weeks leave
while dashing through the Christmas snow
or shimmy down your chimney stack
with toys and prezzies in his sack
He doesn't don a long red cloak
and do the Christmas ad's for Coke,
he fixes things the elves have broke,
he's Santa Claus's odd job bloke
He keeps the magic reindeer fed,
Rudolph's nose a nice bright red,
checks the elf and safety roster,
sprays the sleigh bells with defroster
He fixes Santa's leaky roof,
greases Dancer's squeaky hoof,
sees the Christmas tinsel dangles,
checks the silly string for tangles
Reads the sheets of postal codes
for all the streets and known abodes
of who's been nice and who's been mean
and everyone who's in between
So Mr C can then decree
what's left beneath the Christmas tree
and people who are presently pleasant
all receive a pleasant present
Granny gets some bingo boots,
Granddad's into nuts and fruits,
chocs for Mum, socks for Dad,
kids an Xbox or iPad
He puts them in the loading bay,
clears the runway for the sleigh
and all the gifts are sent forthwith
the night before the twenty fifth
'Cause even Santa needs a hand
ensuring Christmas goes as planned,
it's not as easy as it looks
in all those Christmas films and books
So if you're good and still believe
in all the goodies you'll receive
when tucked in taut on Christmas Eve,
spare a thought for Christmas Steve
But though his working week is mad,
he doesn't have things all that bad
He does achieve some sweet reprieve ...
Steve gets fifty one weeks leave
This poem is copyright (©) Dale Neal 2024
About the Writer
Dale Neal
Dale has been published online and in print. You will find his work in The Best Ever Book of Funny Poems (Pan Macmillan), My Socks have gone Bonkers (Fantastic Books Publishing), Watcher of the Skies (Emma Press), Guest on the Farm and How to Follow Your Dream (Little Stories: Bedtime Books storytelling app.). He has two children's picture books (My Grandad is an Alien and The Dinosaur and Me) being published in 2022 with Ventorros Press.